What's this "sport" you speak of?

• Coworker: Hey, I'm starting a fantasy football league with a few choice people at the office - $25 buy in - serious contenders only. you in?
• Me: I'll tell you what my college roommate used to say: "Isaac don't know shit about sports."
• Coworker: LOL, noted.

Homosaywhat?

That akward moment when you ask, "who is giving anal?" and they say, "if you need email, Matt, EMAIL, talk to Brian.

I Wonder if He Puts Out

• Coworker: This poor guy's last name is slutsky...
• Me: Woah, seriously?
• Coworker: Yep
• Coworker: Oh wait. Slutskiy. I guess that's a little better.
• Me: How is that better?
• Coworker: LOL it's not, I was trying to be nice.

Cultural Gap

After a meeting with a client:

• Coworker in India: hey who is Bob by the way...is he also called Robert?
• Me: Bob is short for Robert
• Me: American naming parlance
• Coworker in India: i see
• Coworker in India: and i was in dlilemma the entire call,was i talking to the right guy or not lol

Simon Says................

Co-worker: ........... and do you know why I also voted for (Insert Politician Name)?

Matthew Honaker: Because you read someones status update in facebook and it opened your eyes?

Co-Worker: umn .... no

Matthew Honaker: so you are telling me that all your political friends who show their right-left views didn't help to persuade your to vote for a candidate?

Co-worker: no

Matthew Honaker: do you find my statements annoying?

Co-worker: yes a little

Matthew Honaker: well now you know why I stopped listening to you 5 mins ago, you are a facebook status and like all the other idiotic statuses I see, I am pressing IGNORE

*closes office door in co-workers face*

Decisions, Decisions...

Coworker: Man, every morning I am hit with having to make decisons first thing. Today as soon as I logged into chat I got this:

Coworker: what to do... what to do...?

Star date April 20th, captains log, we have encountered a mysterious cloud....

Sandy: it is a very simple procedure......
Off balance: so I turn off the terminals and then I shut them on......... wait, what?

What Would You Do?

With the lotto hitting almost half-a-billion dollars, some people in my office (myself included) pooled together and bought a bunch of tickets today.

During a lunch meeting, our company's General Counsel popped in and asked "If you guys win, you're not all going to quit, are you?"



...we all looked at him like he was nuts.

I would like to buy the vowel 6 please.......

Off Balance: your password is abcD1234, now it is case sensitive
Janet: ok great so *typing* a, b, c, D .......
Off Balance: now 1234
Janet: do I capitalize those?
Off Balance: ........... sure