Help Desk Truths

Over several years working in tech support, I've compiled a list of things that seem to be universally true for help desk operations. Many coworkers have helped add items to this, so I can't take all the credit myself. That said, this seemed like a good place to start with our blog.

All of the truths were carefully worded to be as business-ey as possible to emphasize the absurdity we sometimes encounter working at a help desk.

1. As soon as you start talking about how light call volume is, more calls will come in.
2. Everyone lies.
3. Most users don't know what they're talking about.
1. Many users don't have the vocabulary to properly describe their problem.
2. Some users will attempt to use technical terms to make themselves sound more knowledgeable than they actually are. Some will even create new, meaningless, multisyllabic words. This almost always fails.
4. If a troubleshooting step isn't documented in a ticket, it didn't officially happen.
5. Even if there is an outage message posted, some users will still ask if there is an outage.
1. This also applies to instructions in a front end message on a phone line. That is, users will ask if they are supposed to follow the instructions in the message.
2. This also applies to instructions given by agents on a previous call. That is, users will ask if they are supposed to follow the instructions given to them the last time they called.
6. Despite whatever self-help options are available, some users will never use them correctly, if at all.
1. Some users will invariably choose security questions to which they do not remember (or have) the answer.
7. When troubleshooting an issue, start with the simplest solution first. Work up to the more complex explanations if those don't work.
1. Also known as: "If you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras."
8. Many users will provide trivial and arbitrary details to the help desk, whether or not they pertain to the issue at hand. These users will also avoid answering troubleshooting questions with useful information.