Stereo surround sound

Tech:  hello this is Sam, how can we help you today?

Off-balance: hi this is off balance with hardware, this handheld needs recalled due to a confirmed hardware failure.

Tech: ok now when there is a hardware failure we dispatch it to hardware one moment.

*****off balance cell phone rings*****

Off-balance: hello?

Voice: this is sam with software support I have a user who claims that they have a hardware issue they refuse to troubleshoot would you take the call...........

Off-balance- Sam this is off balance with hardware ........ you are now talking to me on 2 different phones........

please stop thinking you will hurt yourself

Off Balance: please press any key to continue

User: where is that?

Off Balance: just press any key

User: where is that?

Off Balance: where is what?

User: the key

******Off Balance has a moment of clarity********

Off Balance: hit "enter"

-the user was looking for the "any" key-

Make your own techno concert

Off-balance- Sir is the network switch on....
User- yes why?
Off-balance- ok power it down.
User- ok
Off-balance- power it back on....
User- done
Off-balance- wow that was fast........
User- nothing is happening
Off-balance- are the lights flashing?
User- no should they be ....... hang on
           They are now (you hear clicking in the backround)
Off-balance- ............ sir are you turning the light switch on and off?
User- I am making the lights blink.
Off-balance- ...... eh.... bu....... that's it your doing it right sir keep doing that till the workstations start working again.

Bass Ackwards

• Me: When are we going live with this client?
• Coworker: Not sure. We're waiting for them to sign the contract.
• Me: What? Why did you go out and do discovery for 2 days if they haven't signed it?
• Coworker: It was one of the deliverables.
• Me: Again, how do you have deliverables if they haven't signed a contract? That doesn't make any sense.
• Coworker: That's just what happened. In any case, they have to take it to their board of directors to approve.
• Me: Their board hasn't even LOOKED at it yet?
• Coworker: No.
• Me: ~facepalm~

Out "Sick"

• Me: Hey, welcome back. Were you sick yesterday?
• Coworker: Nah, had a Klan meeting.
• Me: ...a KLAN meeting?
• Coworker: Yep.
• Me: But... aren't you half-Jewish?
• Coworker: Eh, takes all kinds.
• Me: 0_0
• Me: ...
• Coworker: You know I'm just kidding, right?
• Me: ...
• Me: 0_0
• Coworker: Stop looking at me like that!
• Me: 

Yeah Yeah Its the same thing

User: so Where do you want me to go

Sandy: please open Internet explorer

User: what is that

Sandy: the blue "E"

User: my documents?

Sandy: no

User: Umn I do not know what I am doing
Ok I found it, but I dont see the support site

*********************** Dispatch Support Tech***********************

OFF BALANCE TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!

Sandy: so what is the issue with the internet.............

Off Balance: .................. umn..........

Sandy: What?

Off Balance: ......... well its umn?

Sandy: What?

Off Balance: ....... he was trying to open the internet...... with Desk Clock

Sandy: what?
WHAT?

Off Balance: yes the desk clock is currently open......
Today we have reached a new chapter in stupidity.

I dont want his happy meal