I would like to buy the vowel 6 please.......

Off Balance: your password is abcD1234, now it is case sensitive
Janet: ok great so *typing* a, b, c, D .......
Off Balance: now 1234
Janet: do I capitalize those?
Off Balance: ........... sure

Dept. of Redundancy Dept.

An actual sentence from a process document I proofread today:

"Work is performed by the person performing the work."

Sign says..........

One thing I have learned in life is if a sign doesn’t give you the information you need, ask someone.

Off balance going to a site that has an issue with their computer system
Upon entering the parking garage he sees a sign that says “No Stopping Please Keep Moving”
Off balance looks for a parking spot but only sees “Reserved” Signs. Off balance notices a guard named P. Stephens and gets his attention.

Off Balance: Sir where do I park?

Officer: excuse me son can you read?

Off Balance: yes?

Officer: Since you can read what does that sign say?
(points to “no stopping “ sign)

Off Balance: (now annoyed which means mouth filter off) well it says for a good time call P.Stephens mother, so if you could point me to where I can park I would like to call his mother and show her a good time.

Officer: WHAT DID YOU SAY MOTHER F&^%ER

Off balance: I said there is a camera right there and I was wondering where public parking was?

Terminology

Via my friend James K:

"A user just said they didn't understand my terminology, when referring to an "error message""

Username Format

Tech: May I have your username, please?
User: Sure! It's jane "underslash" doe.

I feel like "Underslash" should be the successor to the wrestling character "The Undertaker."

I ate your problem with some fava beans and a nice chianti

Email from user:
"How do I register for classes online?
Best,
Clarice ********"

Tech's suggested response:
"Hello Clarice..."

Stereo surround sound

Tech:  hello this is Sam, how can we help you today?

Off-balance: hi this is off balance with hardware, this handheld needs recalled due to a confirmed hardware failure.

Tech: ok now when there is a hardware failure we dispatch it to hardware one moment.

*****off balance cell phone rings*****

Off-balance: hello?

Voice: this is sam with software support I have a user who claims that they have a hardware issue they refuse to troubleshoot would you take the call...........

Off-balance- Sam this is off balance with hardware ........ you are now talking to me on 2 different phones........