(15:17) Nat: Is Random School down? It just kicked me out and won't let me back in.
(15:18) Bryan: we haven't heard anything, anybody else having issues?
(15:19) Chris: checking
(15:19) Nat: It just let me back in.
(15:19) Chris: all good
(15:20) Nat: It usually doesn't kick me out for no reason.
(15:20) Nat: Thanks anyway.
(15:20) Chris: happens to me some times
(15:20) Bryan: may have just been a minor system interruption
(15:20) Chris: ^^
(15:23) Off Balance: i tried that excuse once
(15:23) Off Balance: she still wont call me back
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
He should have used magic missile
Inept USER: how do you access the computer on the second floor?
Off Balance, realizing the user is either drunk or stoned
Off Balance tells him to look for the rainbow gateway which
the guardian chipmunks protect from the roving ginger snap that want to eat the peaceful lollycins souls, he must be pure of heart and must possess the helm of twilight.
for the great master oglebump must consume the evil it contains.
when the great oglebump consumes the helm of twilight the great
awakening will commence. and we will see the twilight helm magically
project the path to the lost container of sassumical, there and only there
he will be able to face the great dragon of the 8th pearl.
when he has finished the dragon off and placed his 3rd gold tooth on the plate of giganator.
he will be able to access the computer on the 2nd floor.............or he could use his school ID and password
he asked me how to do the school ID thingy.
Off Balance, realizing the user is either drunk or stoned
Off Balance tells him to look for the rainbow gateway which
the guardian chipmunks protect from the roving ginger snap that want to eat the peaceful lollycins souls, he must be pure of heart and must possess the helm of twilight.
for the great master oglebump must consume the evil it contains.
when the great oglebump consumes the helm of twilight the great
awakening will commence. and we will see the twilight helm magically
project the path to the lost container of sassumical, there and only there
he will be able to face the great dragon of the 8th pearl.
when he has finished the dragon off and placed his 3rd gold tooth on the plate of giganator.
he will be able to access the computer on the 2nd floor.............or he could use his school ID and password
he asked me how to do the school ID thingy.
slowness equals ......... what?
13:37) John Obo: how do i tell if a student is handicapped or REALLY drunk?
(13:38) Ashley: say fart
(13:38) Ashley: wait, they'll both laff
(13:38) Ashley: say fart
(13:38) Ashley: wait, they'll both laff
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Incomplete Credentials
Documentation submitted by a client:
- Connect to [URL redacted]
- Login to site with userid: [username redacted] and the current password for this account.
(note: Contributor Voodoo Pork originally pointed this out)
Friday, July 22, 2011
This is actual Text from a chat I obviously I changed the names:
this chat lasted 30 secs
Off Balance says:
we would need to have the student call us
Off Balance says:
so we can confirm the issue
Jim says:
She did call and was told there was nothing you could do, that she had to speak with me.
Jim says:
Please give me your name and phone number and I will have her call you.
Jim says:
You still there?
Jim says:
HELLO!!
Help Desk says:
Website visitor has left the conversation
this chat lasted 30 secs
Off Balance says:
we would need to have the student call us
Off Balance says:
so we can confirm the issue
Jim says:
She did call and was told there was nothing you could do, that she had to speak with me.
Jim says:
Please give me your name and phone number and I will have her call you.
Jim says:
You still there?
Jim says:
HELLO!!
Help Desk says:
Website visitor has left the conversation
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I don't want to know where...
via our HerpDerp member: Visine
Coworker: I don't think your friend got the Google joke.
Visine: I know, she is bucket-of-rocks smart anyway.
Coworker: truth
Visine: +5 stick of idiocy crammed somewhere
Coworker: I don't think your friend got the Google joke.
Visine: I know, she is bucket-of-rocks smart anyway.
Coworker: truth
Visine: +5 stick of idiocy crammed somewhere
Friday, July 15, 2011
AAAAHHHHHHHMMMMMMMEEEENNNNNNN
submitted by our herp derp member: Visine
What the f%^& is up, If I have to send in one more paper for verification, then I will have to f&%# you up. Now get that s&$^ off of my to do list, nothing is needed for verif&$#ification d*(&%@. I'm a f&%$#@*& student. and that s&$# with
R(SCHOOLNAME), I already paid that s&$@. Now get it off of there, and I am not in no f&%#$ default. You guys better fix that s&%# right away.
some thing tells me he was a seminary student
What the f%^& is up, If I have to send in one more paper for verification, then I will have to f&%# you up. Now get that s&$^ off of my to do list, nothing is needed for verif&$#ification d*(&%@. I'm a f&%$#@*& student. and that s&$# with
R(SCHOOLNAME), I already paid that s&$@. Now get it off of there, and I am not in no f&%#$ default. You guys better fix that s&%# right away.
some thing tells me he was a seminary student
tell em you fell off a swing
and That is what happens when you mess with the US
From: Olli Backman
To: vice_president@whitehouse.gov
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2010 12:37 PM
Subject: Fw: Cardinals, Pope, Barack Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel, Gordon Brown, Nicolas Sarkozy, Jose Manuel Barroso, Tony Blair is an active member Finnish Mafia and specialist terrorist.
March 29, 2008 marked the sixth murder attempt by the Finnish Secret Police, four times they have attempted to kidnap me and cause brain damage by chemicals on orders of the president.
My wife Pirkko Backman anticipated her death and said to me six hours before her fatal heart attack "when you get your money I will no longer live, nobody can escape the crimes they have committed, Canada will kill me". She died in America when we were there for Christmas.
I was nine years old when my father died. Two weeks after his death, he appeared to me at 9 pm when I was alone in the living room. He said "I can help you".
Olli Backman o.backman@rogers.com July 16, 2009
United States Marshals Director John F. Clark
Director Robert S. Mueller as the Assistant Director in Charge Joseph Persichini, Jr. of the FBI Washington Field Office, Attorney General Eric Holder must try President Bill Clinton and Barack Obama and ministers in court under terrorism laws for having participated in the crimes against me. Sincerely, Olli Backman
US Marshals, FBI, New Scotland Yard, Germany Police, Canada Police and Interpol Police France will not investigate the crimes is an active member of the Finnish Mafia and Police gangster.
Members of the Supreme Court and senators you have not followed the American constitution. You follow orders given to you by the banks, oil companies and large industries. You have nullified the laws governing bankruptcies and crime having acted as senator and Supreme Court justice gangsters. 13 Judge Ontario and Supreme Court of Canada is the Court Gangster. webmaster@sec.senate.gov Wednesday, October 28, 2009 3:32 PM
The honest presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford tried to end the practice of blackmailing the nation, the senate, Supreme Court and the President all hold the power and their actions are governed by the constitution. The industries, oil companies and banks prevented their efforts to make the United States a constitutionally governed state.
On November 13, 2009 a car tried to hit me while I was on my way to the grocery store, I was riding my bicycle on the side walk when I heard the sound of a car approaching me from behind. The car turned directly in front of me and although I tried to stop, the front tire on my bicycle hit the side door of the car. I did not fall, but the wheel of the bicycle was slightly damaged.
On December 2, 2009 I was beaten up by the terrorist police and taken to the hospital. I had just gone to the grocery store and brought the groceries home when I was attacked in my apartment and brought outside. When I regained consciousness I was lying on a sidewalk surrounded by several Toronto police officers. I tried to lift my head to see where I was, but the police who were holding my head and legs down, would not let me see anything. Three times the police slammed my head against the sidewalk when I tried to look around. The ambulance driver tightened the belt around me so tightly that I lost consciousness again. I did not regain consciousness until I was in the hospital and a friend of mine was sitting next to my bed. $1,000 that I had in a secret inside pocket of my trousers has been stolen.
I had a 10 cm cut on my forehead, my right shoulder and the right side ribs are injured. It was difficult to breathe, I could not cough and it was impossible to lift my right arm up. For the last 18 days I have been feeling light-headed, holding onto furniture and door frames to steady myself so I don't fall.
They say that I fell off my bicycle, but there are no marks on the bicycle showing that there was a fall. Yet all of my clothes were bloody and they had to cut through my shirts and jacket in the hospital to get the clothes off me. The hospital would not give me a copy of the accident report. The mafia attacked in the hospital, I was there over a week always hungry. The nurses brought me sandwiches because I was hungry day and night. The doctors and nurses were very friendly and they read my letters after my laptop was brought to me in the hospital. I locked the laptop to the side railing of my bed and sent many emails each day. I walked about 6 hours each day and tried to get my arms moving. See ADT invoice, I invoiced them 2 million while I was in the hospital. Finally I was released from the hospital and could make food at home, because you are not supposed to do business in the hospital as a nurse told me. My arms and ribs are still painful and four weeks have passed.
it goes on from there but I was like a 4 page email
From: Olli Backman
To: vice_president@whitehouse.gov
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2010 12:37 PM
Subject: Fw: Cardinals, Pope, Barack Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel, Gordon Brown, Nicolas Sarkozy, Jose Manuel Barroso, Tony Blair is an active member Finnish Mafia and specialist terrorist.
March 29, 2008 marked the sixth murder attempt by the Finnish Secret Police, four times they have attempted to kidnap me and cause brain damage by chemicals on orders of the president.
My wife Pirkko Backman anticipated her death and said to me six hours before her fatal heart attack "when you get your money I will no longer live, nobody can escape the crimes they have committed, Canada will kill me". She died in America when we were there for Christmas.
I was nine years old when my father died. Two weeks after his death, he appeared to me at 9 pm when I was alone in the living room. He said "I can help you".
Olli Backman o.backman@rogers.com July 16, 2009
United States Marshals Director John F. Clark
Director Robert S. Mueller as the Assistant Director in Charge Joseph Persichini, Jr. of the FBI Washington Field Office, Attorney General Eric Holder must try President Bill Clinton and Barack Obama and ministers in court under terrorism laws for having participated in the crimes against me. Sincerely, Olli Backman
US Marshals, FBI, New Scotland Yard, Germany Police, Canada Police and Interpol Police France will not investigate the crimes is an active member of the Finnish Mafia and Police gangster.
Members of the Supreme Court and senators you have not followed the American constitution. You follow orders given to you by the banks, oil companies and large industries. You have nullified the laws governing bankruptcies and crime having acted as senator and Supreme Court justice gangsters. 13 Judge Ontario and Supreme Court of Canada is the Court Gangster. webmaster@sec.senate.gov Wednesday, October 28, 2009 3:32 PM
The honest presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford tried to end the practice of blackmailing the nation, the senate, Supreme Court and the President all hold the power and their actions are governed by the constitution. The industries, oil companies and banks prevented their efforts to make the United States a constitutionally governed state.
On November 13, 2009 a car tried to hit me while I was on my way to the grocery store, I was riding my bicycle on the side walk when I heard the sound of a car approaching me from behind. The car turned directly in front of me and although I tried to stop, the front tire on my bicycle hit the side door of the car. I did not fall, but the wheel of the bicycle was slightly damaged.
On December 2, 2009 I was beaten up by the terrorist police and taken to the hospital. I had just gone to the grocery store and brought the groceries home when I was attacked in my apartment and brought outside. When I regained consciousness I was lying on a sidewalk surrounded by several Toronto police officers. I tried to lift my head to see where I was, but the police who were holding my head and legs down, would not let me see anything. Three times the police slammed my head against the sidewalk when I tried to look around. The ambulance driver tightened the belt around me so tightly that I lost consciousness again. I did not regain consciousness until I was in the hospital and a friend of mine was sitting next to my bed. $1,000 that I had in a secret inside pocket of my trousers has been stolen.
I had a 10 cm cut on my forehead, my right shoulder and the right side ribs are injured. It was difficult to breathe, I could not cough and it was impossible to lift my right arm up. For the last 18 days I have been feeling light-headed, holding onto furniture and door frames to steady myself so I don't fall.
They say that I fell off my bicycle, but there are no marks on the bicycle showing that there was a fall. Yet all of my clothes were bloody and they had to cut through my shirts and jacket in the hospital to get the clothes off me. The hospital would not give me a copy of the accident report. The mafia attacked in the hospital, I was there over a week always hungry. The nurses brought me sandwiches because I was hungry day and night. The doctors and nurses were very friendly and they read my letters after my laptop was brought to me in the hospital. I locked the laptop to the side railing of my bed and sent many emails each day. I walked about 6 hours each day and tried to get my arms moving. See ADT invoice, I invoiced them 2 million while I was in the hospital. Finally I was released from the hospital and could make food at home, because you are not supposed to do business in the hospital as a nurse told me. My arms and ribs are still painful and four weeks have passed.
it goes on from there but I was like a 4 page email
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Who is on first...?
-actual call...... Kinda-
Hello sir in order to verify your account i will need to verify some information....
user: ok?
HD: can I get your Social Security Number
User: What is it?
HD: the government issued number given to you at birth
User: ok what is it?
HD: I need you to tell me
User: dont you have it?
HD: yes but i need to verify your Identity
User: But if you have it already why do i need to give it to you
HD: So I know who i am giving this sensitive information to
User: I am John Doe
HD: can i have your social security number
User: what is it?
*Off balance is beating his head against the wall*
HD: thank you for your cooperation, I am going to go ahead and reset your password now.......
User: OK what is it?
HD the last 4 of of your social security
have great day......
END CALL
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wait ...... what?
it is an interesting moment when you have to put a user on hold, to check Urban dictionary to figure out what She just said to you........
Monday, July 11, 2011
LOL Call of the day
Coworker: WTF... this guy just told me to have a "delicious day." I feel violated.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Help Desk Truths
Over several years working in tech support, I've compiled a list of things that seem to be universally true for help desk operations. Many coworkers have helped add items to this, so I can't take all the credit myself. That said, this seemed like a good place to start with our blog.
All of the truths were carefully worded to be as business-ey as possible to emphasize the absurdity we sometimes encounter working at a help desk.
All of the truths were carefully worded to be as business-ey as possible to emphasize the absurdity we sometimes encounter working at a help desk.
- As soon as you start talking about how light call volume is, more calls will come in.
- Everyone lies.
- Most users don't know what they're talking about.
- Many users don't have the vocabulary to properly describe their problem.
- Some users will attempt to use technical terms to make themselves sound more knowledgeable than they actually are. Some will even create new, meaningless, multisyllabic words. This almost always fails.
- If a troubleshooting step isn't documented in a ticket, it didn't officially happen.
- Even if there is an outage message posted, some users will still ask if there is an outage.
- This also applies to instructions in a front end message on a phone line. That is, users will ask if they are supposed to follow the instructions in the message.
- This also applies to instructions given by agents on a previous call. That is, users will ask if they are supposed to follow the instructions given to them the last time they called.
- Despite whatever self-help options are available, some users will never use them correctly, if at all.
- Some users will invariably choose security questions to which they do not remember (or have) the answer.
- When troubleshooting an issue, start with the simplest solution first. Work up to the more complex explanations if those don't work.
- Also known as: "If you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras."
- Many users will provide trivial and arbitrary details to the help desk, whether or not they pertain to the issue at hand. These users will also avoid answering troubleshooting questions with useful information.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)