What Would You Do?

With the lotto hitting almost half-a-billion dollars, some people in my office (myself included) pooled together and bought a bunch of tickets today.

During a lunch meeting, our company's General Counsel popped in and asked "If you guys win, you're not all going to quit, are you?"



...we all looked at him like he was nuts.

I would like to buy the vowel 6 please.......

Off Balance: your password is abcD1234, now it is case sensitive
Janet: ok great so *typing* a, b, c, D .......
Off Balance: now 1234
Janet: do I capitalize those?
Off Balance: ........... sure

Dept. of Redundancy Dept.

An actual sentence from a process document I proofread today:

"Work is performed by the person performing the work."

Sign says..........

One thing I have learned in life is if a sign doesn’t give you the information you need, ask someone.

Off balance going to a site that has an issue with their computer system
Upon entering the parking garage he sees a sign that says “No Stopping Please Keep Moving”
Off balance looks for a parking spot but only sees “Reserved” Signs. Off balance notices a guard named P. Stephens and gets his attention.

Off Balance: Sir where do I park?

Officer: excuse me son can you read?

Off Balance: yes?

Officer: Since you can read what does that sign say?
(points to “no stopping “ sign)

Off Balance: (now annoyed which means mouth filter off) well it says for a good time call P.Stephens mother, so if you could point me to where I can park I would like to call his mother and show her a good time.

Officer: WHAT DID YOU SAY MOTHER F&^%ER

Off balance: I said there is a camera right there and I was wondering where public parking was?